Flatmates of Doom
by Dr.Dalek
Summary: Alister, Valon and Rafael are flatmates. And to hardly anyone's surprise they're not just sharing the living room and kitchen...Well, most of the time Valon and Rafael share Alister...with hilarious consequences (although not too funny for Alister). Contains mpreg and mentions of pregnant sex. Oh, and thanks to LittleKuriboh. That's your fault. Kinda. I guess.
1. Flatmates of Doom

"Mornin'."

Valon, who'd busied himself with making coffee, turned and smiled.  
"How ya goin'?"  
A tired-looking Alister lurched over to the kitchen table and collapsed heavily onto the settee. Well, speaking of _heavily_...

"I'm fine, thanks," sighed Alister before resting his head on the table, "And stop staring at me like this, I know it gets bigger by the day."  
"Didn't get enough sleep?" Valon said, ignoring the aforesaid remark.  
"It was Rafael's turn last night, so what do you think?"  
Alister leaned on his arms while trying to get comfortable while slouching about. Yearningly he stared at the cup of coffee right in front of him.  
"That's not for you," Valon admonished him and put the cup out of his reach, "It's not good for the... you know..."

Again his eyes swivelled downwards and towards Alister's bulging belly.  
Alister sighed while burying his head in his hands. "Why don't you take a picture, it lasts longer..." he groaned while leaning against the unusually hard back of the settee.  
"We did that," Valon remarked while opening the fridge, "We even made a plaster cast. You know, just so that later on we can look back to those days and laugh it off..."  
"I don't think that's something to be laughed off," Alister cut him short, "Valon, we're going to be parents soon."

"Wai...wait a minute," Valon stared at him dumbfounded, "It is Rafael's, isn't it?"  
"Who knows?" Alister replied and shrugged, "And if you'd be so kind as to make me some breakfast... then I won't have to pin you to the cooker with my stomach when I walk past you."  
"Yeah, got it," Valon poured some cold cereals into a bowl. He couldn't bite back a pervy little smile.  
"But shouldn't Rafael make you some breakfast? After all _he_ was the one you had a naughty with last night..."

"Just shut up, alright?" Alister groaned, "And by the way, I'm happy as long as he's still in bed. If he sleeps away the day I won't have to... you know... be available in case certain urges arise."  
"So he won't need the coffee I've prepared for him?" Valon asked while reaching for the cup.  
"It would just add fuel to the flames... or, plainly speaking, his sex drive," Alister replied wearily and shuddered.  
"Cheers mate," Valon said before downing the coffee.

He took a seat beside Alister. Inevitably his hands reached for Alister's belly.  
"It's too cold," Valon reprimanded Alister, "The baby's supposed to stay warm in there."  
"I love my cropped shirt," Alister tried to defend his actions, "I'm so glad that it still fits. And by the way: my body – my decision."

Valon shrugged.  
"As possible daddy or godfather what can I say?" he added while placing his hands on the stretch-mark covered skin.  
Alister groaned quietly.  
"Don't worry, I'll keep you warm," Valon whispered slinky.

Before Alister could have protested he was already sitting in Valon's lap. Valon nuzzled his neck as his hands disappeared inside of his pants, grabbing the soft flesh hidden underneath those skinny jeans.  
Alister felt the blush rising as Valon's curious fingers patrolled his thighs before making a sudden attack on his not-so-limp limb.  
His junk was already half-hard as Valon interrupted his stimulating caresses to undress the both of them; then Valon wrapped his arms around Alister, pulling him closer as he positioned those cute and soft bottom cheeks above his towering hard-on.

Small beads of sweat were already forming on Alister's forehead as Valon pushed his hair out of his face before tenderly running his fingers down his spine.  
"Valon...please don't..." Alister whispered softly. Valon grabbed his chin tenderly before turning his head towards his own. He sealed Alister's quivering lips with a kiss, his greedy tongue moistening Alister's as he nibbled at his pouting lips.

Alister closed his eyes as he finally gave in to Valon's shameless attempts to enter his sore anal cavity. He failed at suppressing the gasps as he felt his soft interior stretching around Valon's Ayer's-rock-hard dick. He panted, shivering and squirming on top of Valon's rapidly heating body.  
Alister pressed the soles of his feet against Valon's shin, desperately trying to find a way to keep Valon from shagging him roughly and turning gravity to account, so Alister would slowly sink deeper and deeper into his penetration  
His eyes snapped open.  
He gasped shamefaced.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Valon stopped in mid-motion. He couldn't help sighing and wheezing as he stared a surprised Rafael in the face.

"How could you?" Rafael asked. Alister tried escaping the awkward situation he currently found himself in by getting to his feet again but Valon wrapped his arms around his body, clutching at his swollen belly nonchalantly.

Rafael folded his arms in front of his chest. He glared at Valon.  
"You know that it's my turn today," he added accusingly.  
"Strewth mate, it was your turn yesterday," Valon groaned and to Alister's surprised started picking up the pace again.  
"Yeah, but don't you remember last week when you begged me to lend you Alister because you were feeling really horny..." Rafael explained.  
"Right, but remember the week before that one, when you were hitting the turps and you got so horny you took Alister back to the sunken temple, threw him on the altar and smashed his back out?" Valon replied, his words interjected by gasps and moans as he kept ploughing Alister.

"Okay, but remember when..."  
"Oh, just shut up," Valon rolled his eyes while beckoning Rafael to come closer, "Come on, take off your pants and get involved and she'll be apples."

"Jeez, Valon," Rafael groaned while bending down Alister's head until it was level with his crotch, "Can you stop talking like a twat? What's that supposed to mean, anyway?"  
"What ya mean? 'She'll be apples'?" Valon hazarded, "It means: she'll be right."

"And will you stop calling Alister a 'she', that's very rude," Rafael went on while forcing Alister's lips apart and gag him with his throbbing member.

"Oh, keep ya gob shut you ratbag," Valon cursed under his breath before brushing over Alister's tender thighs while picking up the pace again.

Alister was surprised that there was still blood outside of his flushing face, hence he blushed some more as Rafael buried his fingers in his hair and pulled his head closer in order to polish his palate properly.

Rafael groaned and panted, one hand stroking Alister's small of the back tenderly while the other one busied itself with brushing over his cheeks. His fingertips blazing a trail on his soft skin, Rafael pressed and rubbed his fingers against Alister's throat. He continued his actions as he realized that he'd thereby managed to trigger Alister's swallowing reflex.

"Stop...that..." Alister managed to pant while finding his mouth temporarily unoccupied.  
Rafael smiled mildly while cramming his cock back in.  
"As if you wouldn't enjoy having us both at the same time," Rafael panted, "You sure like to be passed around. Even Dartz thinks you're a strumpet."  
"Bang on," Valon agreed, "Even he was humping you, you little slag."

"Alright, shut up," Rafael growled angrily while taking it out on Alister by deep-throating him vigorously, "Your dirty talk is even worse than your normal talk."  
He shoved his cock deeper down Alister's throat.  
"And if you call Alister one more time your little kangaroo I'm going to punch you in the face," he added after Valon tried whispering something into Alister's ear.

"You shouldn't treat him like that," Valon replied as he retorted a death glare. His knuckles whitened as he gripped Alister's hips, each thrust more forceful than the previous one, "You've been knocking him about and now he's knocked up."  
"It's not mine," Rafael replied instantly.  
"Well, it's not mine either," Valon replied in a huff.

Every muscle in their body tensed as both of them reinforced their grip on Alister's soft flesh before the two of them climaxed, unintentionally simultaneously.

"Well," Valon went on after regaining his breath, "Whose is it then?"  
Rafael stroked Alister's neck as Alister swallowed without being asked. He patted Alister's cheeks before meeting Valon's gaze.  
He shrugged.  
"Yours?" he hazarded a guess.  
"What makes you think it's mine?" Valon asked while retrieving a crumpled bit of paper from the recesses of his trouser's pockets, "You've slept with Alister 27 times during the month in question while I only got to shag him 23 times. In all probability it was you who got Alister up the duff."

Alister rested his forehead against the cold wood of the kitchen table before hitting his head repeatedly against it.  
Meanwhile Rafael had fetched his own list, considering it closely.

"I counted 25 times," Rafael disagreed while pointing at a little smudge somewhere near the end of the list, "Or do you think it only counts when I see it? Because you thought I didn't notice you shagging him in the closet, right? Well, I did hear you. Twice."

Valon folded his arms.  
"Okay, right, then the score is 25 to 28 since I didn't count the one time when you shagged him when it was actually my turn, you root rat."

"Well, who knows?"  
Rafael shrugged again.  
"Maybe it's Dartz'."

"No it's not," Alister piped up, who had by now brought up the strength to get dressed again, in contrast to his flatmates, "and will you stop arguing? You're driving me insane!"  
"Oh, Alister, we _know_ ," Rafael patted him on the back while winking.  
"Know _what_?" growled Alister while pushing his hand aside.  
"Yeah, we know about you and Dartz," Valon added while putting an arm around Alister's shoulders and pulling him closer.  
"I don't know what you're talking about," replied Alister stubbornly while folding his arms in front of his chest.

"Well, we did overhear him talking to you about this secret mission you weren't supposed to tell us about," Valon explained, his hands brushing over Alister's thighs, "The one he'd wanted to discuss with you in private, as soon as we'd left.  
"But since we were hiding in the temple behind the snaky pillars he kind of screwed you in our plain view," Rafael added levelly, "And I really think the worst part was that you actually believed that here was a secret mission."


	2. Unison Sex Drive

Author's Note: Okay, another chapter. It starts fairly humorous but gets dirty real quickly...

* * *

Valon didn't enjoy their flight back from a mission as much as he'd hoped.  
While Rafael and Alister got to share the cockpit he was forced to sit in the back of the helicopter.  
Also, he was still brooding over the love letter he was determined to give Mai.  
Well, if he ever got round to finishing it.  
Valon leaned forward, chewing on his biro and reading what he'd just penned.

 _My fluffiest koala bear (Queensland koala of course, not the Victorian ones),_

 _I've heard of your progress concerning your duelling skills.  
Good on ya!  
I really wish we could get on the turps sometime together!_

Valon sighed while scratching another line on the piece of paper, which didn't seem as romantic as it probably should have been since it was covered with scribbles and daubs.  
He gave it another try.

 _Seeing you in your regular outfit really makes me wish I could clap my eyes on you in your swimmers.  
Oh, and could I make you my Mrs.?_

"No, Rafael, we're not flying on autopilot, there's no need to do that. Just keep your hands on the control column and not on my thighs and everything will be fine."

It was very hard for Valon to concentrate on the matter in hand with all that bickering going on in the cockpit. Nevertheless he tried it again:

 _I'm not the bloke usually looking for Sheilas but I couldn't help but think of you any minute (well, at least every minute my mind isn't occupied with card games and duelling to win but you'll definitely understand that, since you're a good looking girl with amazing boobs... and I don't care if they're bolt ons)..._

"I said the autopilot stays switched off. Stop switching it on! And give me back my coat, I'm freezing. No, you don't have to lean over and warm me; I'd prefer my coat, thank you very much... No, no autopilot! Switch it off! Will you stop that?"

Valon couldn't understand Rafael's reply but could hazard a guess after Alister shrieked:  
"That's disgusting! And don't smirk at me like that... I said no autopilot! And how did you get my belt off this quickly? Give it back! I mean it! Valon, help! Valon!"

Valon sighed while he gave it one last try, even if it sounded needy:

 _Dearest Mai... please, please, please...!_

His smudges were interrupted as the door to the cockpit burst open to reveal Rafael dragging a half-naked Alister behind him.  
"Valon!" Alister managed to shriek before Rafael gagged him with his own belt.  
He pushed Alister onto his stomach before treating Valon to a quick glimpse.  
"Mind if I go first?" he asked, baring Alister's derriere.  
"Only if you tarp up," Valon replied, quickly scrunching up the failed love letter behind his back, "It's just not the same when you can feel that he's already been used."

"What do you mean, _used_?" asked Rafael.  
"You know, when he's all soppy and leaking..." Valon mumbled, tugging impatiently at Alister's second belt which kept him from fucking him thoroughly.  
"Don't be so anal," Rafael replied before burying his face in his hands, "You know what I mean, right?"

"Just give me a minute, will ya?" Valon begged with his trousers already off.  
"Why don't we play a game to decide who gets to screw him first?" Rafael asked while grabbing Valon's hands to keep them from fingering Alister.  
"I never thought we'd duel over Alister's bum," Valon replied.  
"Well, if you lost I could finally let the Seal of Orichalcos suck the soul out of your body, you randy bastard," Rafael snapped angrily, fighting against the urge to pop a boner.

"Oh, I thought Alister already tried that," Valon replied with a smirk on his lips while running his fingers through Alister's hair, "You know, the sucking the soul out of the body thing..."  
"Obviously he failed," Rafael growled.  
"Well, let's give him another chance, eh mate?"

Having said that, Valon grabbed Alister's head, removed the gag and guided his soft lips towards his pulsating erection. He stroked Alister's hair tenderly, unable to bite back a smirk as he felt Alister drooling all over his twitching flesh.  
Valon caught his breath; Alister sure knew how to work this slinky little tongue of his around his shaft. "Greedy as always," Valon whispered softly, his fingers blazing a trail over Alister's jolting Adam's apple. He caressed his neck, groaning unabashedly as Alister voraciously lapped at the first drops of his pre-cum, swallowing hastily.

Alister winced, his lips tightening around Valon's throbbing cock.  
Valon lifted his gaze slowly, watching with mild disinterest how Rafael's hands tightened around Alister's hips as he shoved and pushed and squeezed his way into his velvety interior.  
Valon patted Alister's cheeks encouragingly since Alister failed to commence pleasing his colleague's painfully pulsing member.  
But again Alister stopped half-way through, his lips parting involuntarily as they released a quiet moan filled with pain and unsuspected pleasure.  
Valon elicited an unsatisfied grunt and slipped his slick cock back into Alister's mouth. Pressing his palms against his temples he locked his head into position to thrust his hips forward and shove his aching cock against his palate.  
Valon penetrated his contracting throat violently, concentrating on stroking the back of Alister's head in order not to take another glimpse of Rafael's twitching body.

Since Valon wasn't really into gay sex (except for the sex with Alister, but that didn't count since anyone who wore revealing clothes like he did was begging to get raped, right?) he wasn't really comfortable with shagging anyone with another male being watching. (Having another Sheila watching, well that was something else. Better two chicks than two dicks, eh?)  
Having sex with Alister while Rafael was going all the way at the same time still felt wrong and would, hopefully, never stop feeling wrong, but somehow Valon had to admit that watching Rafael pounding Alister was a bit of a turn-on.  
Getting down and dirty with Alister was alright but had bored the pants off Valon pretty soon. Sex with Alister wasn't a challenge. It was a way of releasing pressure, though a quite uncomplicated one.

But Rafael, on the other hand... Rafael was a challenge. He posed a challenge every time.  
Rafael was daring and calculating and always far too composed, but somehow that made him attractive. Or, it was the fact that he was Valon's counterpart, representing everything that he wasn't and never could be which made Valon furious and would sooner or later, naturally, result in him being horny.

And so Valon couldn't take his eyes off Rafael's half naked body, intrigued by the harsh thrusts and painful penetration he was exposing Alister to.  
He felt his own member twitching delightfully as he stifled a cry at the back of Alister's throat.  
He sunk back, releasing his grip on Alister's temples before continuing to stroke his neck tenderly, enjoying the feeling of Alister's throat stretching around his cock.

Valon moaned quietly, watching with misty eyes how Rafael poked his little red-haired sex toy, his own heart beating faster with every thrust.  
And then, being so close to his climax, Valon knew why he preferred Rafael to Alister:

Rafael showed no mercy.  
Rafael shagged Alister without much passion but with extreme determination. And with no remorse.

Valon often wondered whether it had been the years without any social contacts or interaction that had made Rafael so cruel and insensitive.  
And he wondered if Rafael would actually rape Alister in case he didn't decide to change his mind on the subject of having sex with him, like he'd always done it until now.  
Alister always acted coyly at the beginning. Every time he'd ask Rafael to stop seducing him, even begging him to stop, but eventually he'd succumb.  
But would Rafael really care if Alister wouldn't stop putting up resistance? If he wouldn't stop saying 'no'?

Either way, Valon wondered if he would enjoy watching him rape Alister.  
And that, he knew, was definitely _wrong_.  
But having sex with men was also wrong, so...

Valon decided to stop following the train of thought and instead getting hit and run over by it right away.

He grabbed Alister's shoulders forcefully and pulled him closer, his nails digging into his alabaster skin until they drew blood. Valon closed his eyes as he let the sensation wash over him, the feeling of this incredibly tight little worn-out mouth sucking insatiably at his cock.  
The white-hot bliss now clouding his mind he felt his member pumping uncontrollably as he came inside of Alister's mouth, moistening his dry tongue.  
Alister lowered his head slowly, dislodging Valon's still twitching cock, and panted.  
He barely met Valon's gaze before he starting to lap at his discharging limb.

"D'you want some more?" Valon whispered half-heartedly while caressing Alister's neck, "...still so greedy..."  
Between his thighs Alister was gasping for air, shivering beneath his touch.

Alister winced before biting down on his lower lip. He stared fixedly at the floor, not daring to move a muscle. Slowly he turned his head, trying to read Rafael's face out of the corner of his eyes.

"Are you done grooming him?" Rafael growled.  
He wrapped his hands around Alister's waist and pulled him into his lap, transfixing him with his rock-hard cock. Alister squirmed on top of Rafael's thighs, desperately trying to find a comfortable position and keep his member from slipping deeper into his aching anal cavity.  
"Stop that," hissed Rafael as his hands darted forward, pinning Alister's arms to his sides, "Don't tell me you're not enjoying it."  
Alister growled quietly, unable to hide his embarrassment as he felt the blush rising.

Valon watched quietly as Rafael leaned forward, his head resting on Alister's shoulder as he caught a glimpse of Alister's neglected erection.  
Alister winced at Rafael's hot breath in his neck. Rafael kissed his cheeks disimpassioned.  
As Valon reached for Alister's twitching cock he found himself stopping in mid-motion at Rafael's command.  
"Don't touch him," Rafael ordered, "he has to earn his pleasure."  
Valon shrugged, too tired to narrow his eyes at Rafael; though he couldn't help sneering at him.

Rafael continued to poke Alister brutally, lapping at the salty sweat trickling down his temples.  
"You always smell so nice when I fuck you," Rafael wheezed, much to Alister's embarrassment, loud enough for Valon to hear it as well, "It's such a sweet scent... it's like you're begging for more."  
Rafael stopped Alister's hand as he was reaching for his own hurting hard-on.  
Alister's eyes swivelled sideways to meet Valon's gaze.  
He blushed some more as he saw his own needy expression mirrored in Valon's eyes. And again there was this distant look on his face...

"No, you don't," Rafael buried his fingers in Alister's hair and yanked his head upwards again, "You're not sucking him off twice. And don't even think about wanking him off, Valon."  
"I'm just returning the favour," Valon replied as he threw an angry look at Rafael, "And I'm not taking orders from you."  
Having said that Valon moved closer, positioning himself between Alister's spread legs.  
Rafael reached for Valon's hair, pulling his head down. "If you really want to return the favour..." he added quietly.  
"Piss off," Valon roared while pushing away Rafael's hand.

Wordlessly he grabbed Alister's pulsating member and gave it one or two experimental strokes.  
Alister stifled a yell, overwhelmed by the sudden sensation, and ejaculated onto Valon's thighs.  
He barely winced as Rafael came in his sore cavity, the fluid slowly gushing out.

Alister averted Valon's gaze as he adjusted a kneeling position, the warm cum still trickling down the back of his thighs.

"Keep him," Rafael said while pushing Alister down on top of Valon, "You're the cuddly type."  
Valon rolled his eyes as soon as Rafael had closed the cockpit's door behind him.

"You're going clingy again," Valon sighed, trying to escape Alister's grip; but to his own surprise he found himself unable to remove Alister's arm which he'd placed over his chest.  
Alister gave him a tired look. "You're warm," he whispered drowsily.  
Once again Valon sighed.  
Then he reached for Rafael's coat and covered their cooling bodies with it.


	3. Bound and gagged

Now, which card to pick?

Valon was lounging around on the sofa with his head rolling into the nape of his neck as he stared up at the ceiling, trading cards lying scattered in front of him.  
He enjoyed the solitude, the only alone-time he'd been granted these past few weeks. He didn't know where Rafael had taken Alister or why he'd taken him with him in the first place but it was fine by him. This way he could concentrate on preparing a deck for this tosser Joey.  
It was quite peaceful today, apart from the constant humming of the dishwasher.

Valon really needed the silence to _feel_ his deck, every single one of his cards. To feel its strength and structure. Its _pulse_.  
At least he liked to pretend it to be that way.  
Actually he'd looked forward to a quiet wank while thinking of Mai's boobs.

Valon sighed again, slightly peeved that he couldn't even focus on getting a hard on. And somehow that was the dishwasher's fault, too.

A few weeks ago the three of them had agreed that living in an ancient temple may add a mysterious touch to your personality (and was a sure way to impress dolly birds) but at the end of the day your home was a damp ruin with the coldness of millennia lingering inside.

So they had decided on renting a flat. But to his disappointment Valon had realized that he was still unable to get off with girls since Rafael had summed up their main purpose for living together cryptically as 'benefiting from one another by sharing everything'. And Valon was damn sure that that included one-night-stands.  
Come to think of it, Valon hadn't been on the piss since they had moved in together...

At least the sex was bearable. Well, as long as Alister could bear it. Gladly he was holding up well. And taking a lot; quite literally.

Valon smiled absent-mindedly, amused by his own dim-witted remark. He flipped another card into a face-up position and stared at it. How could you get turned on by a card like Buster Pyle? Alright, it contained fairly arousing imagery (especially when Valon imagined that he could use this in a duel against Mai since the two spear-like add-ons would work marvellous for a double penetration...geez, was he really imagining having sex while playing a card game?).  
But by now he was mad as a cut snake because he couldn't concentrate on either compiling his deck or dreaming of a shag with Mai.  
How come he couldn't keep a cool head?  
And why did he only now realize that the humming sound protruded from Rafael's room and not from the dishwasher in the kitchen?

With the strange buzzing sound still in his ear Valon got up and sidled closer to the door. Yes, it was definitely originating from Rafael's room, no doubt about it.  
Valon pressed his ear against the wood only to find the door slightly swinging back.  
Normally Valon wouldn't dream of entering Rafael's room without his express consent. Valon respected Rafael's privacy; which was, he had to admit, a rather tasteless name for the baseball bat underneath Rafael's bed, ready to hand for every objectionable trespasser.  
But he respected it nonetheless.

On the other hand: Rafael wasn't here. And he'd left the door unlocked and slightly ajar in the first place. So he technically wanted Valon to take a look inside.  
And maybe Rafael had just forgotten to turn whatever thing was making all this noise off? So he probably had to be thankful that Valon kept it from discharging...right? Either way, he was going in. The buzzing noise was really getting on his nerves.

Valon entered quietly, treating his surrounding to a displeased glare.  
The room was a mess. As always.  
Involuntarily he rubbed the back of his head where he'd first made acquaintance with Rafael's privacy.

Scarcely any carpeted floor was visible due to the numerous obstacles occupying every spare inch; your feet rarely touched the ground when you moved.  
Empty bottles, magazines with half their pages scattered all over the floor, torn-open condom wrappers (though he couldn't hazard a guess where they were coming from since both of them preferred to shag Alister bareback. Maybe he just kept them for the look of the thing...) and half a glass of peanut butter which was, to Valon's surprise, not even past its expiration date.

And he hadn't even cast a glance at the bed sheets yet...

Fortunately Valon managed to fight off his own curiosity and not to give in to the urge of casting aside the duvet. Instead he turned around, facing the giant wardrobe opposite to Rafael's bed. Why Rafael even had a wardrobe was beyond Valon since the only clothes he had were the ones he only ever wore (which was the main reason why you steered clear of him on laundry day).  
But as Valon crept closer (and tripped over another bottle) towards the wardrobe, looming over him like the piece of furniture of damnation, he noticed that the buzzing noise was protruding from behind the locked doors.  
He rattled at them gently.  
Correction: the noise was protruding from the closed but _not_ _locked_ doors.

Valon sighed as he leaned against the wooden framework, wondering whether he'd bring up the courage to face whatever perils would await or attack him. Well, with Rafael you never knew. Well, you knew that he'd gone troppo. Definitely troppo.  
Valon believed that you couldn't trust a man who'd survived on a forlorn island on his own, with playing cards as his only company. And probably the odd bear or porcupine or whatever mammal unfortunate enough to make a sex-starved teenager's acquaintance.  
And to think that _he_ was the one getting teased because of the outback-and-sheep-thing that had only happened once...either way, at least he'd made sure that it had been a female jumbuck...

Eventually Valon's curiosity overpowered his reason (not to mention beating it into a pulp afterwards) as he decided that it was time to unveil the mystery of the buzzing wardrobe. He grabbed the knobs and pulled the doors open. And frowned.

"Alister?" Valon mumbled flabbergasted while staring at the bound and gagged figure in front of him. But almost instantly his lips contorted into that smug smirk Alister hated so much. "Nice to be finally coming out of the closet, eh mate?" Valon said while hauling Alister onto the bed.  
"Shhhutup," Alister managed to growl and spat after Valon was kind enough to remove the gag, "And I have no doubt that that last sentence sounded a lot better in your head."  
Valon cracked a smile and giggled at his own dim-wittedness.

"Nice stockings."  
"Shut it."  
"White really does become you, Alister."  
"I said shut it!"  
"And what's with that wedding dress?" Valon asked while sifting through sheer innumerable layers of net lace and satin.  
Alister rolled his eyes and sighed. "Don't ask."  
Valon pushed back yet another layer of floral lace before his hands took hold of the supple garment underneath. "Well, I'll be buggered. Frilly panties? Rafael really is spoiling you."  
"Shutupshutupshutup," growled Alister, furiously tossing and turning because his tied-up legs prevented him from kicking Valon.

"But they suit you," Valon added, his fingers ghosting over Alister's lashed up thighs, "And at least I know where that sound was coming from. Seriously, Rafael the old whacker left you in there with that thing up your bum?" Finally Valon had located the source of noise and slowly withdrew the still running vibrator from Alister's arse.  
Valon smiled whimsically while tossing it aside: "What a sick bastard."  
Alister tried hiding his face in the duvet as he couldn't help blushing.

"And look how soggy you're down there," Valon's fingers brushed over his moist thighs as he once again rolled Alister onto his back, "you got that silky thing really dirty and soaked. You didn't pee your pants in expectation of your wedding night, did you?"  
"No!" snapped Alister, "Valon, you disgusting little roofucker!"  
Valon shrugged: "Sorry mate. First time can be a bit nerve-wracking. And I didn't know that guys could get so wet. Look, your knickers are drenched, they're see-through now."

"You couldn't, by any chance, untie me?" Alister asked unfazed, trying not to writhe beneath Valon's touch.  
"Couldn't be bothered to do that," Valon replied automatically.  
"Or just loosen..."  
"No," Valon interrupted.  
"Thought so," sighed Alister. He clamped his legs together as Valon's uncouth hands reached for his groin. Alister raised his eyebrows at Valon, scolding him with a piercing glare: "No. Bad dingo. Bunk off. Go play in the Outback and root a sheep or something."

Valon omitted Alister's remark and rolled him back onto his stomach. "But that dress... that's pretty messed up," he mumbled, still absorbed in thought. "Still," he sneered while fingering Alister's gaping anal cavity, "You only complained about the bondage and the gag. You didn't want me to, uhm, I don't know... loosen the corset or strip these stocking off your delicate legs."  
"I thought that goes without saying," growled Alister.  
"And now please, please, pretty please untie me before I kick your Australian butt out of this room, you worthless little punk!" he yelled right before Valon shoved the gag back into his mouth.

"No wonder Rafael had to make use of this in the first place," Valon mumbled, his hands occupied with Alister's nether regions, "Oh look, you're still dripping. Rafael didn't even need any lubricant for your first night, did he?"

Valon treated Alister to a scrutinizing glare as he retrieved his fingers.  
"But cross-dressing isn't really my cup of tea," Valon went on, unzipping Alister's corset and tearing down the layers of net lace.  
"Now that's better," he said, treating Alister to a broad grin, "And you're still nicely wrapped up. And since you're still soaking wet, leaking all over the place..."

Alister felt Valon's hard-on through his clothes, brushing over his thighs as Valon positioned himself on top of him. He shifted awkwardly as he fumbled with his own belt but stopped in mid-motion to remove Alister's gag.  
"What was that?" Valon asked before biting his lower lip; seeing Alister gasping and drooling like that really made things worse.  
"I said Rafael's going to kill you if he finds out that you've shagged me while he was away," Alister repeated, wheezing and panting.  
"He won't know about it," Valon went on, his fingers penetrating Alister's soft and slick ass because he couldn't hold his fire any longer.  
"You always leave love bites on my neck and you never pull out in time," Alister broke off to suppress a low moan, "and besides I'm definitely telling him about this."

"You're playing hard to get, eh?" Valon groaned, twisting his fingers around inside of Alister. Alister enjoyed seeing Valon like this, desperately and without a chance of laying a pipe. "Probably," he replied, "And you're not getting any."

Valon jumped onto his knees before grabbing the still running vibrator and cramming it back in. Alister screamed with pain and pleasure, his tongue running over Valon's thumb as he pushed it between his lips.  
"Well, he won't find out about _this_ ," Valon panted as he scrambled up. Before Alister could have protested his head was forced between Valon's thighs, his rock-hard cock already halfway inside his throat, "at least if you swallow up."

Valon stroked Alister's neck tenderly, shivering slightly as Alister's practised tongue circled around his swollen member. He pushed forward, gagging Alister with his cock, and dug his nails into the duvet.  
He tried not to look down; somehow knowing that it was a guy sucking you off was a bit of a turn-off. Though it really didn't feel any different... alright, it felt different because Alister was a slag and was a lot better than the pissed girls who'd given him head because they only ever concentrated on not throwing up all over him.  
Involuntarily his eyes rested on the glass of peanut butter on the floor.

"Don't," gasped Alister, following his gaze.  
"What?"  
"Don't even think about it," said Alister; he paused, spat on Valon's cock before lunging at him again.  
Valon ran his fingers through Alister's hair while giving this some thought.  
"Rafael used this...?" he ventured a guess eventually.  
"I didn't want to give him a blow job and said that I didn't like the taste of his dick," Alister mumbled, nipping at the protruding veins on Valon's member.  
"And he really put it on his...?" Valon went on.  
Alister rolled his eyes while tightening his grip around his member.

"But isn't that chunky peanut butter?" Valon asked unabashed.  
Alister lifted his head and stared at Valon, speechless and astounded.  
"I mean, the peanut shivers kind of get everywhere and if they're stuck beneath your foreskin that... kinda hurts..." his voice trailed off as he tried to evade Alister's gaze.

"Just shut up, alright?" Alister sighed as he started sucking at Valon's twitching erection again.

Valon had rolled onto his side, one leg resting on Alister's shoulder as his fingers combed through his hair. He groaned quietly, his hips jolting and pumping as he picked up the pace, fucking Alister's mouth and deep-throating him. He merely sighed as he found his release. His fingers had entangled themselves in strands of Alister's hair; as they pulled, forcing his face against Valon's groin, his discharging cock slid deeper into his throat. Unavoidably Alister swallowed before coughing.

"You don't always have to come inside my mouth," Alister spat, "that's overrated."  
Aghast he stared at Valon as he struggled to squeeze him into the corset again.  
"You said yourself that Rafael's going to kill me if he finds out," Valon sneered as he picked up the frilly skirts.  
Alister's protests were soon drowned out by the monotonous humming of the vibrator as he was forced back into the closet just as he'd been before, bound and gagged in a wedding dress.

And finally Valon could concentrate on piecing together his deck.

* * *

Thanks for reading. So, this was probably the last chapter. Unless someone would be interested in reading more of this - then you could just drop me a few lines in the comment section. ^^

Oh, by the way: There's another part of the 'Flatmates of Doom' series which I only published on Archiveofourown (.org) (Pen name: DoctorDalek) because it doesn't correspond to fanfiction's restrictions (it's rather dark, extremely violent and graphic).  
Just in case anyone's interested...


	4. Up the pole

"So is this supposed to go in there...?"

"Strewth Rafael, you're talking like Alister. No hold _that_ and I'll fix it with a screw over there."

After adjusting aforesaid screw Rafael and Valon took a step back from the masterpiece of workmanship.  
"Looks good, doesn't it, "Valon said proudly, "Alister you should give it a try."

Alister arose from their sofa, well most of Alister; his extremely bulging belly tended to lag behind a bit.  
"What if I break my back," he asked while climbing up the construction," what if it breaks?"  
"What if his water breaks?" Rafael said adding to the amount of unnecessary questions.  
Valon shushed him into silence. They both watched Alister attentively.  
"What did we need a pole dancing pole in our living room for?" Rafael asked as both of the watched Alister twisting up and down the pole expertly.  
"Because," and there Valon paused grinning like a dingo on speed, "Alister is up the pole."

Rafael folded his arms, glowering at Valon in silence. "You know your soul deserved to be fed to the Orichalcos for this," Rafael said at last.  
"Worth it," Valon chuckled.  
Alister turned upside down, slithered slowly downwards along the pole.  
"I don't get it," he remarked while eyeing his flatmates wonderingly.  
"Never mind," Rafael said while collapsing into the sofa.  
Valon joined him and they watched Alister performing excellent moves on the pole.  
"Would be a lot more sexy if it wasn't for the giant stomach," Rafel sighed.  
"I heard that," Alister shrieked, sounding hurt.  
"But you've got to admit it sure is fascinating how it's defying gravity and all," Valon added, watching Alister with a strange fascination in his eyes, "Puts you in mind of a planet spinning in space...so perfectly round and almost weightless..."  
"If you could stop drooling over him for just a minute," Rafael scolded him, "it's a mystery why you haven't gotten that girl of yours into trouble already."  
Valon shrugged. He seemed to watch Alister indifferently now.

"She turned you down?" Rafael deducted, but Valon shook his head.  
"'twas the other way round," Valon replied, sighing with the deep dissatisfaction only those unhappy in love can show.  
" _You_ turned her down," Rafael asked disbelievingly.  
"Can I stop now," Alister asked while he twirled around his own axis.  
"No," said Rafael, "I'm starting to enjoy it.  
He turned to Valon again.  
" _You_ turned down a girl, you, you randy bastard?"  
"Wasn't the first Sheila I dropped like a hot potato," Valon stretched to get comfortable again.  
"Yeah, but I expect the other one was burning in a bushfire, otherwise you wouldn't have dropped her," Rafael retorted.

"I don't have to shag every girl, I can get."  
"Yes, you do," Rafael corrected him, "you even have to shag those who are too drunk to say no, to get your tip wet once in a while."  
Valon harrumphed.  
"So tell me," Rafael asked after turning on music to make the whole situation less awkward, "What happened?"  
Valon shook his head while folding his arms. "Believe me, you don't wanna know," he sighed.  
"You were just too immature for her," Rafael pointed out, "you can't handle a strong, independent woman."

"She's not the woman I loved," Valon sighed sounding almost depressed, "not anymore anyway..."  
"What's that supposed to mean," Rafael asked while getting some beverages from the kitchen.

At which point the front door cracked as it got kicked in.

Rafael and Valon turned to watch a furious Seto Kaiba enter their flat.  
"Alright, you amateurs. Who hacked into my computer to deliver those grotesque pictures and stupid messages!"  
Kaiba stopped dumbfounded in the door watching Alister, who due to the loud music was oblivious to his arrival and was still busy working his way up and down the pole.

Kaiba's jaw dropped. He turned even paler than usual. "That's...really messed up..."

"Oi, mate, you didn't have to kick our door down," Valon protested, "how about knocking?"

Rafael pressed a bottle into Kaiba's hand while patting him on the back. "Sit down, I'll get another one." He left for the small kitchen.  
Kaiba sat down awkwardly, his limbs stiff, his face frozen in a vacant and slightly disgusted expression.

Valon leaned back, absent-mindedly placing a hand around Kaiba's shoulders. Their eyes synchronized in movement as they watched Alister bob up and down around the pole.  
"A cutie, ain't he?" Valon asked after Kaiba had managed to pull one arm upwards and force the beverage's bottle against his lip.  
"Stunning," Kaiba retorted, "And it's so... spherical..."  
"He's due in two days," Valon explained. He took another sip, "Cheers mate."

Kaiba gulped. He shuddered.  
After trying to get rid of the awful taste, which he unfortunately tried to do by taking another sip, he treated the bottle to a scrutinizing glare.

"What the devil is that?" he asked.

"Deflowering soda," replied Rafael through the door.  
"Passion pop," corrected Valon.  
"Same thing," Rafael retorted while pushing Kaiba into the middle of the sofa to wedge him in between the two of them, "As soon as you've passed out from drinking one too many you're bound to lose your virginity."

Kaiba sipped his passion pop quietly until his hands stopped shaking.  
When he'd regained his voice again he sounded almost threatening again: "Alright, enough of this. I demand to know who sent me those mails that got me coming here to get traumatized. Who of you filthy perverts sent me the pictures of that enormous bulging... of Alister's bulging stomach?"

His eyes swivelled sideways; first to Rafael then towards Valon. If any of them had a guilty conscience they were hiding it damn well.

"Why would we do any of that?" Rafael asked as, at least in his opinion, Kaiba's eyes had rested a bit too long on him, "That's ridiculous."  
"Besides," Valon added, "this makes absolutely no sense. You knew Alister was a shemale the first time you saw him, right?"  
"Oi," Alister protested from somewhere up the pole. Though he didn't sound as offended as they had expected.

"I didn't know, no," Kaiba retorted, a bit taken aback, "That was until I had seen him in my aeroplane, in the nude."  
Both Rafael and Valon turned to face him with an air of mild bemusement.  
"Go on," Rafael invited him to share further details with them.  
"I mean..." Kaiba's cheeks reddened which was, Rafael and Valon had to admit, a sight to behold.  
"You shagged him in your copter while he had no soul? Talk about (a pervert)," Valon burst out.  
"I... I thought he was going to die anyway," Kaiba tried defending his actions.  
"That's really messed up," Rafael said.

"Well, you can't blame me, can you?" Kaiba went on, "I mean, he'd just tried to kill me and my little brother. For the second time. And I was just trying to get him out of these uncomfortable clothes when..."  
Kaiba looked for any sign of compassion in Rafael's face but he found none.  
Meanwhile Valon had lost interest again and was encouraging Alister to continue dancing.

"When I discovered his... I was almost shocked to see that even down _there_ his hair was red. Okay, I seized the opportunity and gave his fanny a good scrubbing. It was like a dream. Beating him in a card game and then having a cute cunt to poke..."

"Wait, what?" Valon asked, suddenly all ears.  
"It was the after-shock of the duel," Kaiba explained, "It kind of took over when I saw him naked."  
"Understandable but not pardonable," Rafael retorted, "You should have braced yourself."

"How was I supposed to know that Alister was a woman?" Kaiba tried defending himself again.  
"He's not," Valon insisted.  
"He is a man," Rafael began, "Kinda... sort of."  
"What do you mean, sort of?" Valon protested, "He hasn't got a fanny."  
"Yes he does," Kaiba blurted out. Rafael nodded his ascent.  
If Alister hadn't had wrapped his legs around the pole in time he would have fallen off as he buried his deep-red face in his hands shamefaced.

"Fuck off mate," Valon insisted, "He's not a girl. He doesn't..." He changed his mind and turned to Alister: "Take off your pants."

"No!" shrieked Alister while climbing higher up the pole, "And you can all piss off."

"So you're another possible candidate for fatherhood," Rafael summed up.  
"But I always fucked his ass!" Valon persisted before cursing under his breath.  
"And he's just withdrawn his candidateship," Rafael pointed out.

"But I never saw his fanny," Valon wailed.  
"That's because you were too drunk," Rafael stated levelly.  
"He never had one first time _I_ checked," Valon went on.  
"He didn't have one back then," Rafael agreed.  
"How come?" Valon asked.

"Power of the Orichalcos," Rafael explained lamely.  
"Sod off," Alister croaked. He managed to swirl past with arms crossed without losing his balance before climbing up the pole again.  
"It's as simple as that," Rafael reassured him, "The Orichalcos' true power remained a mystery even to our Lord Dartz. It can control the mind and outplay the body in its current state being. It could have changed the world..."  
"But in the end it only changed what's down Alister's knickers," Valon tried to digest what he'd just heard, "Wait a minute you twat. Does that mean that Mai..."

"Well, what did she tell you?" Rafael asked.  
"She said she wasn't the woman I loved..." Valon sagged as it began to dawn on him, "I've got the hots for a guy. And I thought I got a moisty with firm knockers."

Rafael ts-tsked.  
"Tough luck. Maybe she'll stick it up your arse. But look on the bright side. At least she got tits. Alister just got a fanny."

Kaiba looked back and forth between his two couch mates.  
"And did you happen to keep your...sexual characteristics?" he asked wonderingly.  
Rafael treated his crotch to a long stare.  
"Last time I checked," Rafael agreed with just a hint of worry.

"So none of you sent me those pictures?" Kaiba asked inquisitively, literally rubbing them under Rafael's nose. Rafael went through them."  
"Alister...?" he asked nonchalantly, "Did you send Kaiba photographs of your severely disfigured abdomen?"

Alister sniffled while swinging past them expertly.  
"I admit it," he blurted out in a high-pitched voice, "Because it's his and I wanted to let him know that we're going to be parents."  
Valon, visibly intoxicated after the shocks of his discovery concerning his former relationship with Mai, raised his glass to Kaiba.  
"Cheers mate."

"It's not mine!" Kaiba snapped while struggling to his feet, "I screwed you only once."  
"Once is all it needed," Alister voice almost dropped to a wail, "It's yours and I know it! And I'm not coming down from up here until you tell me that you want to keep it."

Rafael patted Kaiba on the back empathetically. "You have to forgive him," he whispered, "It's the hormones. He's been like that for the past few weeks. Alternating between Euphoria and fury. And crying."

Kaiba sank back into the couch, Rafael retrieved the empty bottled from his hands to switch it for a full one.  
"Try not to let it get to you."  
Kaiba sighed while putting his drink down. He rested his head in his hands.  
"This is insane."  
"You'll get used to it," Rafael assured him.

"What's that?" Kaiba asked as the three of them noticed the trickling sound originating from somewhere near the ceiling.  
"Don't tell me we've got a leak again," Rafael grunted while he got to his feet; he shot Valon a questioning look "Is it possible that you've drilled into the pipe while affixing that pole?"  
"You were the one who drilled the holes," Valon snapped, "unnaturally large ones, too."

Kaiba spotted the puddle and looked upwards in horror

"I think..." Alister piped up from somewhere above their heads, "I think my water broke..."


End file.
